Somewhat Better

So I only got about 2 hours of sleep last night, hence the nasty attitude. I did manage to get a bit more, and I'm feeling a lot better. I just wish that the kids would quit keeping me up all night, then making the world a giant mess. ARG!!

I miss Glenn. I've still got two weeks before I can talk to him again. Blackouts suck. Yes, I realize that I'm spoiled in the fact that we get to speak to our soldiers a lot more than any generation before us. Don't care, need to hear his voice.

I'm really wanting a grilled cheese and some tomato soup. Could I have been more random? I don't know where that came from, but I'm really wanting it.

About At The Last Straw

I am not adjusting well to the boys being here. The girls aren't adjusting well, either. The boys have told me that they've never had to follow rules before, so they don't have to follow them now. I can't live with that. Doesn't work for me. They have pretty much lost everything, and they still don't care. It's ticking me off.

The girls have started hitting each other a lot. Sarah lost a tooth because of the interaction of the girls with each other. Where did they learn the behaviors that I've witnessed? Their brothers. After I watched Josh hit Aidan today, I really don't want them to play with them. If I could choose, the girls would spend zero time with the boys. It's really making me crazy.

The boys are in therapy, but it really needs to start working. Tyler had totally stopped doing much of anything. His teacher says he's just a dead lump in class. He doesn't do any work while there. Nothing. He also hasn't turned in any of the stuff he's done at home. Not that he does much, because he tells me he didn't have any, then tells his teacher he didn't know there was any work, or that he forgot it. He's failing and he doesn't care. I'll give you that he cried when he got caught lying about it all. I told him that he doesn't get to fake cry for his own actions, and he stopped cold. Quite the actor.

Josh is failing two classes. He doesn't turn any work in, though he's promised he does. His teachers say no, and I believe them. He also keeps failing tests, though he tells me that he has nothing to study. Two core classes, science and literature. He fails those and he'll also fail the grade. At this point I'm done yelling and threatening. There's nothing left to take. I'm all for letting them fail.

I know it's awful, and I know it may make me a bad person, but I do not like either one of those boys. They are mean, rude, destructive, and horrid. All they do is lie and manipulate. I knew Glenn had kids when we got married. I was fine with that. What I'm not fine with is having to be a single parent (yes, when he isn't here that's what I am. Sorry Glenn, but it's true) to his kids. It's hard enough to be one with the kids I'm allowed to discipline, but it's just about impossible with the ones that I can't do anything with. I have no jurisdiction. Their mother taught them nothing - no manners, no respect of property, no honesty, no respect of person - nothing.

I'm beginning to have panic attacks when it's time for the boys to get out of school. I have them when I go shopping and I turn onto our street to come home. I can't handle that. I honestly can't stand to deal with them. It's awful to feel this way, but I own my feelings. Hopefully, with time, it will get better. Until then, I'm learning to hide some of the way I feel. Not a good thing, I'll tell you.

I cannot believe that it's November. Where did this year go? Sophia has just finished kindergarten. I asked Barb about what she should be able to do, and from what she says, Sophia is right on track. At least by the kindergarten standards in the Chicago suburbs. I'll be ordering her 1st grade stuff soon. Guess I should think about getting Aidan started, too. We shall see what 1st grade offers. I'm a little excited about it.

Really? Are You Kidding Me?

I hate to say it, but I think I'm about to give up. The boys came back from their mothers house in worse behavior than when they originally showed up. They have been totally unable to follow the rules. Josh has been doing Tyler's homework for him, while pretty much crapping out on his own. Yeah, Josh is getting two D grades in school. Literature and Science. He informed me that he doing outstanding on all his tests. Well, okay, he got a couple - okay, a lot- of bad test scores in both. No homework in lit. Um, yes there is. Head to table, I swear.

They have started pulling on each other, knocking each other down/over, yelling and all kinds of other crap. Josh pulled back to punch Tyler today. I stopped him in time, but still. Sophia has started acting up even more than her usual charming self. This is bad on levels I can't express.

To be honest, I don't think I can handle the boys. It's not like I can, by law, really punish them. I can take stuff away and ground, but that's about it. For a little bit I was feeling bad, but now I'm not so bad at the thought of military school. Yes, it would be uprooting and sending them away again, but really now. Think about it. I'm one person fighting literally years of non parenting. It's bad. Nobody seems to get that. I don't know. I'll have to discuss the entire situation with Glenn when he gets home tomorrow. I do know that I don't want the influence that they are giving anywhere near the girls.

Mmmmmm, Dinner

Glenn isn't here, so I can serve stuff that I like, rather than always having these really thick meals. Not that those aren't good, but sometimes it's too heavy. Glenn needs that type because of what he does for a living. I don't.

Tonight I dug through my freezer and pulled out two chicken breasts, some green beans (wish it was peas), some corn, some egg noodles, and some potatoes that I'd chopped up. Tossed the veggies and noodles in a pot with some chicken stock that I put together. Cooked the two boobs and cut them up. Tossed them into the pot, too. I did end up having to remove some of the broth, but it really turned out good. The boys are chowing, as are the girls. It's also cold out, so perfect fall food. Glenn would consider it an appetizer.

The boys asked how it was made, and what was in it. When I told them how easy it was, they got excited about maybe being able to make it the next time we have it. I see no reason why not. It's just nice to see everybody eat with gusto.

Very Scary

I had to make a phone call today that I really never thought I'd ever have to make. Yesterday, Megan overheard a student that she has a class with talking about how she knew how to sneak a gun into the school, and who she'd kill. I called administration this afternoon, and Megan told them what she knew. I couldn't just let it go. Not that I wanted to get this person into trouble, but damn. What if she actually was planning something? They have her name and other people that heard the conversation, so hopefully it's taken care of. I wonder if it's worse being as the school is a DOD school that's located on post.

And They Are Back

The boys came back from a visit with their mother. At least it was supposed to be a visit with their mother. Per the boys, they really didn't see much of her. She was working and at school. Hmmm, I have some issues with this. Anyway, because of some flat lies that were told to the boys, we are now back to day one. Tyler has done nothing but cry the entire time he's been back. Josh really doesn't seem to care either way.

I had to call Glenn and let him know the things that were told to the boys. I also had to email Tyler's teacher so that she was aware that there could be issues with him tomorrow. Heck, this week. Bonus for me, Jenny's creditors are starting to call here now. They'll be getting her cell number from me. I'm NOT dealing with any of her money issues. Fun times.

They're Trying To Kill Me

These kids are making me insane. I think that they are doing it on purpose, too. That's the scary part. It's as if the kids want to see how crazy they can make me before I jump off of a cliff or something. Why won't they listen when I tell them it's not a good idea to test me? Silly children.

I had a conference with Tyler's teacher last week. Turns out that Tyler is flat lying to both of us. He tells me that he has no homework. He tells her that he didn't know that he had homework, even though it's written on the board - all week. He also told her that his dad was gone, a week before his dad left. That he goes to his grandmothers here. Um, yeah, no. It does explain the note from school that stated that I was at work and Glenn was off training. Yeah, no. His teacher says, and I do quote here, "it's like he's dead. Not even there at all. He doesn't interact, he doesn't smile, he doesn't respond. He just sits there. He's never prepared, and he doesn't turn in any work." We've decided to take off the gloves and use a little tough love. Both there and here. We have the same views on this, so working together will net him the same result. If he can't buck it up, he will fail.

Megan feels that she must argue with me at every step. She's channeling Mom, for sure. If I say it, she tells me that I'm wrong. Often, the first word out of her mouth after I say something is a snarky "NO!" I could say that the sky is blue. She'd say no, it's not. I'm so tired of this it isn't even funny. From now on, everytime she pulls this crap, she loses something. I think computer will go first. Then ipod, phone, drawing ability.... Maybe she'll figure out that being bitchy to me isn't the way to go in this house. Oddly, Glenn told me forever that I was the one making it like this and that she wasn't that bad. Then she started pulling the same crap with him. Why is it, when my family members treat me like ass, not a single person believes me until they get treated that way by said person? Then they act like it's a freaking new thing.

Aidan has had a 99 to 101 fever over the last few days. She's fever free today, so I guess she kicked it. Wonder if she had flu. I don't get the vaccines, as I believe it's important to let your immune system actually work. Besides, nobody dies from the flu. They die from complications of a secondary infection. Usually pneumonia. It's almost always 100% treatable, too. I'm not an idiot. I know when to take my child in for medical treatment if what they have is beyond a Tylenol. When did society become so afraid of making their own choices in how to raise their kids? It's crazy.

Laundry Soap

For the last few months we've been using the laundry soap that I made instead of storebought. Wow. We haven't used any fabric softener, yet the clothes are clean, soft, and smell great. I ran out of the Fels-Naptha that I was using as my soap agent. Since we are so low on laundry soap right now, I bought a bunch of Ivory bars. We'll see how it goes, but I really like the other stuff, and have found it online in cases of 24 bars. It's actually meant for laundry, and has been around for over a hundred years. I do like how fast the Ivory grates up. It's a little on the damp side, though. I had to add some of the other soap I had made to it just so it wouldn't become a big ball of ick. So now I have the large tub from the Oxyclean full of homemade detergent. I feel like I've been saving tons of money, and the clothes aren't covered in a weird film.

Glenn is gearing up for Colorado. Two weeks, then home, then off to NTC. He's hoping to knock out a few classes (like BNOC and Airborne) before he deploys. While it'll suck to not have him here, I understand that he may never have this chance to attend so many different schools. I just wish the deployments would stop.